"Lost at Home Within His Holiness"

Has God forsaken my brokenness?
Am I another expendable believer for the cause?
Lost at home within His holiness.
Tainted by his blessing's disappointments.

Life has caused more pain than worth bearing.
But is it worth the struggle to perfect the imperfect?
Will I ever be good enough for my creator to love?
Will I ever be worth the watch of my mother's God?

Confusion is massaged deeply into the roots of thought.
Everyday loneliness becomes more and more aggressive.
Comfort is so distant to memory that I lose myself looking for it.
And yet through it all I don't feel Him

His gospel says “He will never forsake you”,
Yet, I feel so tightly entwined in abandonment.
I expected the phone calls to stop,
I even expected to lose some friends in the process

But I never expected to lose my God.
I never expected to be alone in this unforgiving world.
I lost my mother, I lost my father, I lost my sister,
I lost myself and I lost my sense of Love.

Is it worth believing, if I keep losing?

"The Deception"

It's a luxury to be in a stable state of mind,
Ignoring the feelings locked so deep inside.
Oh how i dream of a day without these thoughts,
Where peace and disparity have continuously fought.

The acid from my tears burns streams down my face,
While hopes of a future inadvertently erase
Memories of pain, but a life, they're both the same.
Only a miracle could make this past remain.

I cement myself inside my own insecurities,
Only to please a woman with her own instabilities.
A woman who loves me almost like a mother
But breaks me down and charges me to act like another.

A fool I am to abandon what parents instilled,
Just to please a stranger who outlaws free will.
This stranger is all I have to take part in my illusion.
Until this problem is resolved, cursed am I in my confusion.

"The Great Ensemble"

The wind whistles a bold melody
Teardrops from heaven tap a light beat
Thunder roars as proud as a drum
While antelope strut one by one
Leaves applaud as if in a crowd
And rocks stand by without any sound
Then all of a sudden the cry of nature
Signals the hounds to sing all at once
The trees begin their dance to the wind
As all the Earth rings with no reason to end.

"Safely Tucked In My Nightmare"

I am safely tucked in my nightmare
Waiting for the pain to subside

Like a child I turn a blind eye to reality
In order to protect my innocence

I let my maturity slip into suppression
Along with my happiness

I cripple myself by loving foolishly
Those that mean nothing to me

Oh beautiful heavens in an ugly world
Save me from the mistakes of others

People that care often hurt me the worst
The ones that don't just make me strong

Laughter is a foreigner to my heart
But hope instructs every beat

So complicated that it's simple
The purpose of my existence

But never completely clear
Is God's reasoning behind it all

I am only going no where fast
Cutting myself with broken glass

To see if I feel physically
What other people call pain

But my true pain is not having clarity
For the things that have no meaning at all.

"Kayleigh"

Kayleigh my dove
I'm drawn to your song
I'm drawn to your heart
And the passion with which you fight

Kayleigh my love
I will always be your friend
I will always lend an ear
But don't call past midnight

Its been a couple years
And we're both still around
Doing our bests
To make it through each day

So no matter what's to come
Tomorrow or next week
You always have a friend
To help you along the way.

"All Night"

Puff puff and a cough
I'm stressed
I just need to relax

One drink then I'm done
I promise
I'll be good to drive

A second drink
My last one
Okay, maybe just another

Its hot in here
I think I'll go outside
Puff...cough...

Shit!!!
I dropped my light!!!!
...Where'd it go?!?!

Hmm I need a drink
Beer? ehh
I need a shot

One shot?
Two shots?
No less than four

Wow!
I'm good
I could go all night.

"Time"

Time has no beginning and it has no end
In fact time only exists as a psychological friend
Why do others limit me when I am as free as life?
But life is only a limit set up by the mind
So I guess I have no limits and that is just fine

Tomorrow is an afterthought and yesterday is soon to come
But I can't figure out why yesterday is already done
Where has the time gone? or is yet to go by?
Does this notion really exist?
Or just another mark of deception's kiss?

"Outside My Window"

Outside my window
Fall pieces of heaven
The very contents of beauty
Signifying the arrival of the holidays

Oh how I have waited for this moment
When family and joy
Would come knocking at my door
And bring another year's round of surprises

Today I felt something very peculiar
I think it was anticipation
Anticipation for celebration
Or it could've been the milkshake I had with lunch

Well whatever it is, I'm feeling it
And its making me feel the best I've felt all year
So to everyone out there
Season's Greetings from my heart to yours.

"Being Incomplete"

Beautiful Brokenness left to me
I thank you for the heartache
That has been my strength.
I went a day without your touch
And I felt like life wasn't right.
I felt like I was going to die
But thank God you weren't too far away,
Because when I saw your face
Everything became okay.
And I could breathe again.
Please tell your friend, Hypocritical Happiness,
To stay away from me.
I don't like his company
Or the way he makes me feel.
I feel more complete
Being incomplete.