"Sitting In My Corner"

Sitting in my corner
Panting, pacing, thinking
What did I do?
Why did I..?
Oh My God!
My wrists...
A puddle of life lay before me
Red and exuberant
My body trembling in its own confusion
My thoughts racing past my consciousness
Numbness begins to take charge
A sensation surprisingly comforting
Looking at the culprits and their accomplice
Which reflects the light from the outside
The picture I see slowly dims
And darkness is all thats remains.

"I Carry In My Pocket"

I carry in my pocket
A beautifully broken past
A past that seems tragic
Still holds the biggest smile
I carry in a frame
A memory of love
It's photograph is faded
Too brittle to be touched

Your words make up the page
The page is left undone
Never to be finished
Just left in distant thought
A loss, a woeful song
For a life so dear to me
Never to know
How much she really means.

"Intangible"

No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I pray
A river of tears will not bring you back
A pool of my blood will not replace
The life that you loss
And a broken heart
Will not allow you to hear me calling

I can not reverse time
In order to cherish you all the more
I can not press rewind
To listen to the song you would sing every morning
I am powerless to change the circumstance

I can not erase your name from the bullets
That you so fatally accepted
I can not change your husband's insanity
I can not change that he was my father

I wish I could have at least attended your funeral
I wish that I could still be a mama's boy
Now your touch is intangible
And your little boy is growing into a man

But you will always have the greatest part of my heart
And all the love that you could ever dream of
Even if I have to love you in death
My love will give birth to an eternity of possibility.

"Midnight Oh Midnight"

Midnight Oh Midnight
Sing me a song
Sweep me into infinity
Don't make me wait long

Midnight Oh Midnight
I'm feeling alone
Rescue me from daylight
And follow me home

Midnight Oh Midnight
I'm standing on the edge
Come take me away
When I slip from this ledge

"I Don't Care"

I don't care about these classes
Or the words you teachers spit out
I don't care about your stories
And lessons you have to offer
I don't care about intelligence
Or the doors that it can unlock
I don't care about about this school
I don't care anymore
I'm tired and frustrated
So just leave me the hell alone

"Loveless"

Love is such a strange and abstract creature
Hiding in the shadows of true concern and care
Preying on the people that need it the least
Avoiding its biggest predators, the lost and alone

I tried to tame this creature but it bit me on the ass
I kept it on a leash in order to show I hold control
It didn't really care for it knew it couldn't be tamed
So I killed the little bastard and threw it in the trash

"Rock Me Into A Dream"

Sing me a lullaby
Rock me into a dream
Take away my sins
And forget about my faults

Purify my heart
Love me like before
Pretend there is no time
And there is only today

Escape into the silence
Fall beneath divinity
Eliminate our secrets
And allow truth to be

What happened is in the past
For that I'm truly sorry
I will now remain broken
Until you fix every part of me.

"The Man That's Crazy Or The Sane"

The clouds are parted in the sky
As if to prepare the way for Jesus
But Jesus is a man or is he God
Or both the same

The trees are bunched together
To hide the world from demons
But demons are just creatures
Of both the spirit and the brain

There is a light shining from Heaven
Amidst the darkness from the rain
But the angels are descending
To protect from those unnamed

The land is vast and oh so ready
For a battle to end all wars
But who is the victor
The man that's “crazy” or the “sane”

"Sell Me A Kiss"

Oh what I would give
To have your lips touching mine
Your soft and tender kiss
Would give birth to new life
All of my dreams
Could become a new reality
All of my desires
Would fight they're way right out of me

Sell me a kiss
And I will exchange with you the world
I live my life in lust
Wanting only the most precious pearl
Take away my longing
Let me in to hold your hand
Forever by your side
I will eternally to stand.

"So Much To Say"

So many blessings have fallen from heaven
So many people have touched my heart
So much support and tender loving care
So much to say, so much to say

You are the reason I get up when I fall
You are the reason I am this strong
You are the drive behind the success
You are the reason, you are the reason

A mother's heart extended to me
A mother's love for a child not her own
A mother's advice for he that's in need
A mother's embrace, a mother's own time

You've extended your home in so many ways
You've extended your hand to help me get through
You've extended your son to be my best friend
You've extended so much, now I'm extending to you

My gratitude and love will always remain
My learning addiction you've helped to sustain
For all that you've done I can not repay
So thank you, I love you, Happy Mother's Day

"Happy Mother's Day"

One year
One heart
One pill
One lifetime ago
There was just me
I was alone
I was lonely
Uncertainty took my hand
And guided me into the future
Insecurity tainted my heart
My call for salvation never went through
I had been left in silence on the other line
But a knock on my door drew me away
From that oh so important phone call
To my surprise it was a familiar face
That I had never taken the time to get to know
Standing and waiting for me to answer
Oh how happy I am that I did
You gave me new hope
You gave me a new life
You gave me a second chance to live
I lost one mother and gained another
One that I would have never dreamed existed
One that I would have never dreamed could love me
Everyday is not perfect
But who expects it to be
I'm glad that you're the one my heart guided me to
“I Love You
And Happy Mother's Day”

“A Wife, Three Children, And A Baby On The Way”

A wife, three children and a baby on the way
Is all I have to my name
Everyday is the same old thing
Everyday I question my masculinity
I can't give my wife the finer things in life
I can only give her me
I don't have a job to provide for my family
I can only supply love
No one ever told me about infinite possibilities
No one ever gave me a chance
Educated in the worst of conditions
Manipulated to believe
That everything I had was all I would ever have
The cruel life of cool suckered me in
Always being on the run
Never knowing if I would end up dead the next day
Three bullet holes and a broken spirit later
I realized my life was headed in the wrong direction
So I made the conscious decision to change
I cleaned up my act
But couldn't clean up my mess
I tried to find work
But I ended up back to where I started
On the run and no where to turn
Now I'm trapped within these four walls
Trying to figure out what I'm going to do now.

"Today"

Today may have been the happiest day of my life
I don't know why
It could've been seeing your face
Or your genuine embrace
Or the fact that you care and you showed it on stage

Before our “moment”
I had been in the deepest state of low a person could drive himself to
Angry and frustrated
The stress just intensified everything
But the chip on my shadow's shoulder fell
Upon seeing the readiness of your smile
One of very few credits I am willing to add to your name

I didn't think it was possible
You changed the course of my day
Hell maybe even my weekend
You had an impact on me greater than I can explain
You made me want to care
For that I applaud you
And I will let you be my friend for one more day.

"HERstory"

Do you hear her crying
Bound in silence
By the man that oppresses her liberty

She fights to break free
But his fist is too much for her to bare
Loud words have her crashing back into herself
Intimidating eyes beat fear into her bones

She knows she must escape
She doesn't know how
She doesn't know when
But wait, there's more...

Three children rest in their rooms
While mommy covers up her wounds
She fears for their safety
She fears for her life

Praying unheard prayers
And watching each night creep by slowly
Her nightmare seems unending

Broken and emotionally deformed
She reaches out for a helping hand
But no one can hear her through the smile

Loneliness haunts her psyche
Depression rules her life
His control shackles her ankles
And his anger strikes her physical

One day courage decides to knock on her door
She answers with an uncertain hesitance
Now she's dead.

"Beautiful Little Soul"

Beautiful little soul
God bless your brokenness
Damn the sanctified
Never run or hide

Beautiful ray of light
Guide the ones with sight
Throw away all dreams
Vanish into time

Selfish little fool
Trust the ones that care
Drop the woeful tears
Submerge in all your fears

Selfish angry boy
Abandon processed joy
Take a moments breath
Don't walk away just run

"Self"

I'm trapped in vast openness
Constrained by the opinions of others
Trying to individualize but not too much
I want to be accepted without assimilating
But is that possible when I'm always left out
I walk differently, I believe differently
I don't want to have to keep my secrets to myself
I don't want to have to fall in line
In order to make this machine operate perfectly
Life is not smooth and it's just an illusion to believe so
There will be distractions, things will fall out of place
Life stops for no one and death doesn't discriminate
Eventually I will break free of my constraints
A false mother's delusions
A privileged society's perfection
A worry free community
The joy of life is exploring different facets
And meeting people of different persuasions
For me at least
I challenge myself to be different
Sometimes I complete my challenge
Other times I fail miserably
I must admit that it can feel good to fit in
It can also be an unmeasurable burden
But whether you choose to step out on your own
Or to just be
Be happy with you
And don't let others dictate who that is

"A Lifetime's Revelation In One Year"

One year ago today
I lost everything
So many people came
Just to clutter up my life
So many people spoke
But said nothing of substance

I'm mortified to reminisce
Of those days fighting not to die
Fighting only to be isolated
And to relive every second
In my dreams
In my broken heart

Friends have come
Relationships broken
Lessons learned
A better person made
Friends became brothers
Along with the birthing of new possibilities

Day after day
I meet new people
People that I already know
Some of them are silenced
Some of them are hidden
But nonetheless live closed lives

I trusted some friends, family
They let me down
Expectation led me to despair
Confusion led me to destruction
Friendships were created in falsehoods
Life was just a mess

Experience makes for the perfect teacher
Openness makes the perfect student
Love is the best friend
Tragedy aids the greatest strength
Dreams provide sight
And fate sets the destination

Now I am bolder and wiser
Loss has become my companion
Death and I are no longer strangers
Life is getting easier
One day at a time
While time takes care of me

People will never comprehend
The depth to which I hurt
Or the magnitude of human interaction
On my mind
On my heart
In my reality

I cherish each person
That can have an impact on me
The way that impact
Can change a single life
Or that can make me feel
Beyond comprehension

I fall easily
But I don't stay down long
If you want me to care
You have to make me
I have no obligations to anyone
Except to myself

Six months ago
I would have stated differently
No one should expect from me
No one should be certain
That my words from yesterday
Mean the same thing today

So many people
Taught me about myself
Taking me to my limits
Expanding my horizons
Teaching me how to live
Helping me to live

I don't give myself any credit
I probably should
But all credit do to my little angel in heaven
The one I call mom
The one that I pray falls from heaven
Just to be with me once again

After all that I have been through
Nothing has had the affect
That love has had on me
And I've realized
Many of times throughout this last year
That love is on my side

Love has cradled me
In times of loneliness
Love has been my saving grace
It has unlocked an indestructible door
Love has been my reoccurring revelation
Throughout this last year of discovery

So as I end one year
Of triumph and defeat
I start a new life
Looking forward to opportunity
Salvation
And new manifestations.

"Ignorant Eyes"

In the cavities of inquiry
I hide myself
I camouflage my heart
And bleed my wealth

In the folds of your truth
You pretend to be
You breed carelessness
And blind sight to see

I stand in between
Love and disgust
But a call to salvation
Is a definite must

Midnight's left crying
Fighting sunrise
I am left bewildered
By your ignorant eyes

"I Have Everything"

I have everything
I have love
I have integrity
I have life
I have my mistakes
I have my successes
I have friends
I have joy
I have the world
Life is good

But wait...
I don't have you
I don't have your love
I don't have your touch
I don't have your kiss
I guess I don't have everything
I guess I don't have the world
I don't have anything without you here
And life just doesn't seem to be that great anymore

"Lightless Night"

You took away from me my world
You took away my angel

The only person that stood beside me
Through the battle and times of calm

The only person to love me in just the right way
For this, I hate you but I love you
And yet still no closure has been found
Upon the coming of the anniversary

You will be in my mind and heart
Upon the coming of my future

Your tattoos will remain as my scars
And your lessons will remain as my habits

I want her to come back
I want her to love me again
You taking her away has broken me
In more ways than just spiritually and physically
I'm broken eternally and paternally

But everything is ok
And in the hands of the fates that will guide me into the lightless night

"What Am I?"

What am I?
Why do I feel?
Tangled up in my emotions.
Crying for a savior to come.
Watching as my tears fall through the ripples of life,
And set fire to any heart that reaches out to me.

Who are you?
Why are you here?
Leave me alone you wretched being.
Take away your concern and sympathy.
Cast away your love and compassion, for I refuse to accept them,
And refuse to condone their uses.

Yes it is true that i care for you very deeply,
But that means nothing to me.
Love, trust, a sense of humility; all have become lost in the shuffle of reality,
My reality which has been so pleasantly defined as nothing.

I am so very sorry to make this address so personal and fitting,
But I think that it is best that you hear this in front of the world,
Instead of me telling you in private.
At least this way, I don't have to worry about your outburst of emotions.
At least, I can lay my head in peace.

"My Own Little Friend"

I'm sorry I haven't been there for you
I'm sorry I wasn't the one that you could have turned to

But I'm here now

I am ready to be the friend that you've been waiting for
I am ready to take on your burdens

I won't ever leave

I want to get back to how things use to be
I want to be my own little best friend again

I need to be here

I was too immature before and couldn't see that you needed me
I was too immature to understand you, to understand myself

But I'm learning

I can not grasp the experience that you went through
I can not grasp your sense of reality and life

I'm really sorry

Please don't grow cold towards me, towards yourself
Please don't turn your back on me now

SHE says forgive

We're ok now, we can do this together, self reliance is all we need
We're ok now, we can make it through on our own strength alone
We're ok, remember we are one in the same

Eternity is waiting for us to fly above the pain, above the tears
Fly with me, Let me be the left wing and you the right
Our heart can not remain split down the center
We must end this self-inflicted destruction
Self please be mine again...

"Hello Friend"

Hello friend
I saw you on my birthday
I realized something amazing
There is no more us
You stand there
I stand here, waiting for you to leave

This is the first time that I am not running from how I feel
One time I loved you more than I wanted to
I loved you like a brother of mine
I loved every second we had
Others have come and gone
And you remained number one in my heart
But now that you are leaving
Hoping and praying is futile in this damned effort

With all the sincerity in the world
With all the good intentions that a man can bare
With all the promises that you can break
There is still the end
And I believe that this is ours
Goodbye.