"A Story Left Untold"

A story left untold
Never gets an audience
Damn this world
Revered by experience
Everything is a tragedy
Welcome to my life
Perfected by insanity
Have a goal in plain sight
Attract the unknowing
Never making it known
Never stopping for rest
Assimilated and dehomed

"Good Day, Good Night, and Goodbye"

There is a song for every heart
Untruths between each line
Pain is life as well as love
Confusion and philosophy co-exist as one and the same
In order to understand how I feel
You must die inside
And pray the same prayers I have prayed
Each night I cry to myself
Longing for my loss
A heart so broken incapable of being mended
All the music in the world cannot change the way I feel
All the words I write will never explain the truth behind the smile
Many don’t understand how it is to be on the other side of death
The side where life interferes
The side where happiness is so far away
But is close enough to touch
Hey! I can even dress my tears up to seem invisible
Sometimes I’m happy to be unhappy
Other times it’s like a bullet in my side
I’m tired of writing for the sake of it
So I say “Good day, Good night, and Goodbye!”

"Maine"

Ashes in the tin
Some suicidal sin
14, 16, 56
Pass them around
How does that sound
T in a cup next to the c
We laugh at what our friend like to be
Care free, trusting, and open
If I am then I am broken

"Result of A Bullet"

I'm confused
And disconnected from everything known as life
But I love and I hate
So I think I'm doing fine
Emotion is basic
To every woman and man
I try to erase it
Because no one will understand
I hear four shots
A mother's cry, death has just driven by
I say it's not
Though I felt every tear fall from her eyes
I sit in shock
Anticipating for death to guide me away
I'm still amazed and horrified
That God would let me stay

You made me promise
One hard promise that I really don't want to keep
You asked me to trust
But for that trust throughout my life I will surely weep
For the ones that I lost
That made me who you love
So for my trust and all my love
I want to be placed above
Any other, from one another
And promise not to leave
A broken heart left in the cold
With veins continuing to unweave
A tortured soul
With no home that constantly runs to you
For happiness, for peace and rest
And something else to do

I'm so ashamed of myself
No self-confidence to my name
Every time I shed a tear
It diminishes my flame
For my passion of desire
And impenetrable will to succeed
The only reason I have problems
Is 'cause of my selfish greed
I'm at the edge of immortal
Yet mortal I still remain
I wish I had the power
To inflict unending pain
So for a life too important
I try to change my thoughts
But the devil's a rich man
Beyond what we are taught

We talked for hours
Upon the minutes to eradicate the problems
And for a second
Upon that day I had thought we had solved them
Until the next day I figured out
I was still afraid
Of the future
While the past would surely fade
Along with me
A memory, gone by the count of three
One, two, three
You've forgotten all about me
So I return to my place of self-doubt
Alone again
Waiting patiently
For another so called "friend"

But this hurt I feel inside
Is so very hard to hide
Especially while I'm standing
With a demon at my side
For three weeks my heart had beat
But I was not alive
And still to this day
I'm trying to revive
All that was lost
All that I had that was worth more than me
A precious love
A beautiful heart has now been set free
Never again to be known
By the scum of this world
The earth has just lost
One of the most precious of pearls...(End of part 1)

(Part 2)
The person I was
Will never get the chance to grow
Into a man
But still a child, this pain he will only know
Less Inspired
And oh so tired, In the distance of the night
Every second, I’m running away
Trying to keep out of your sight
So alone, so afraid
Depression ruins my day
Down to my soul, feel so cold
There is nothing left to say
Empty words spit out the mouths
Of people I’m suppose to trust
I’m still a fool
Driven by my heartache’s endless lust
For someone to be there
When I feel I can’t make it through
But every time I feel this way
I end up turning to you
But you don’t know how I feel
So I retract and pull back
I’m sick and tired of happy faces
And shifting to the next act

Insecure and beaten down
Is how I walk the Earth
Where’d you go, I don’t know
There is nothing that is worth
More to me than you
Because you make my broken heart smile
But I try my very best
To organize the tile
To make a picture
That is real
But what’s real
I can not feel
So where’d you go
I still don’t know
I really needed you here
Without you, I feel the grunt
Of everything I fear
You were right
The first time, I really do need you
‘Cause there is nothing that is left
That makes me feel the way you do

I am alone, it’s such a shame
‘Cause nobody really cares
But everyone makes an effort
To try to be there
Take a number
Push me under a pile of stuff to do
I surrender all my will
To try to make it through
I’m giving up, I’m really sorry
I’m breaking my promise
But every thought, every feeling
When I reminisce
Stabs me deeper
Than any cut could ever go
No longer bleeding, way past dying
All I can do is let it show
So take me now, Dear God
I’m crying to end this pathetic life
I’m ready
And I’m willing to take death as my wife
I know he’s watching, and he hears me
So I pray that he says yes
Until the day we say “I do”
I will never get any rest

I was thinking about those days
I spent incapacitated
In a room of bright blue
Where my past evaporated
I had a tube in my nose
And even one to help me breathe
I had been praying that God
Would allow my soul to leave
I saw your face, it was a surprise
‘Cause I didn’t expect for you to care
All of a sudden, you appear
From a place called “no where”
So I feel strange to let you in
To give your heart a chance
In every relationship
I step back and let the other wear the pants
Now’s the time
For this follower to take the lead
But with these thoughts
I have inside, I’m forced to take heed
To these feelings
Of confusion of which way to turn
I’m just a studentAnd I’ve been put here to learn
About pain, I’m insane
To put up with this
It’s kind of hard to understand
But I think I got the gist
I still assume
That I will have a happy day
These happy words and partial lies
Are all that people say

I keep slipping back and deeper
Into a state of empty space
The only difference between our hearts
Is the appearance of our race
I sit in silence, waiting for God
To send me a message
A message that contains
An outstanding passage
That relates to my problems
And also serves as a revelation
A revelation that makes me
Withhold no reservations
I just want someone to be there
For the next short while
Is that too much to ask for
To help this eternal child

(Part 3)
I bathe in misery
And let my sorrow continue to overwhelm
I sit in eternity
Waiting for a guide to a new realm
Of sensation
My temptation derived and centered around you
I hate you but I love you
Neither statement will be proven true
You don’t trust me
Why can’t you trust me? Tell me why you feel this way
I thought it was ended and forgotten
Left to that day
But I guess not
Reserved emotions kept you from putting faith in me
It’s a shame that in my sight
Your love I can only see
I try to trust in other people
But their efforts let me down
Humiliation from their failure
Makes me out to be the clown
So I sit sulking in the cold
While the world feeds my pain
Isolation, desolation
Cover me with their stains

I’m so confused
And heart broken, when I see other people smile
All I have are memories
That are locked in one huge file
Suicide’s the easy route
Yet you forbid me to take that path
Loneliness, unending stress
Is all God will let me have
I’m reduced to depending on
A single pill to help me live
Besides that I’m holding on
To the love you freely give
There is this voice that calls my name
It says kill, kill, kill
Kill what, kill me
I can’t resist the thrill
My heart is thumping from excitement
Of thoughts to end my life
I want so badly to escape
This cycle of unending strife
I’m waiting for the moment
That you break your precious word
My plans with such desires
You have already heard

Do you know how it feels
To watch your mother die?
To see her blood poor out
Trying to detach yourself with lies
To see your father look you
Dead in the face
Back to the roots, where it started
I repeatedly try to trace
I left her side, I’m ashamed
To call myself her son
I ran like a coward
Now there is only one
In my heart, that is you
But I still try to remove
These emotions from my life
‘Cause I have everything to prove
So when they say I am brave
Its like they’re spitting on me
Because brave I am not
And quite possibly will never be

Now new topic, let’s discuss
These issues with my sister
A hurricane raging
I’m in the eye of the twister
I need to express my anger
And hatred for this woman
These feelings towards your family
Are not as common
We were never really close
At least from my point of view
After the incident
It was like she was someone brand new
But eventually she began
To show her true self
That self is a threat
And a danger to my health
So I walk away slowly
Giving her one last chance
But within a second she shot me
Without a simple glance
At her brother whom she’s punishing
For her father’s mistakes
Redirect it, please
I’ve been through enough for heaven’s sake
Don’t tell me
That in the future I will need her
There is nothing that was
Because We never were

You don’t understand
No one really does
I can’t live for the future
Only for what once was
No matter how people feel
I still feel they don’t care
I’m waiting for the day
When everyone will be treated fare
Life is a struggle
I don’t want to undertake
There’s way too much to do
At such a high stake
I could loose what I have left
If I can’t make it through
What I have left from the past
Is wrapped all up in you
Love, trust
Things I don’t want to loose
If I make a decision
Then I will have to choose
Between you and myself
But I choose me over all
Everything will go
And this house will have to fall…

"Cold"

Its cold
Freezing actually
And everyone is on the outside

Sucks for them
I’m nice and warm
Perfectly content with
Burning in my fury

I’m ok
I don’t need to walk outside
Just so everyone can see

Actually I’m not
But let’s keep that
Between you and me

Spring is coming
And yet
The snow is still falling

That’s my fault
God connected the seasons
To my emotions
And right now I don’t want winter to go

Its my choice
I’m happy with it
I guess…

No one really cares
No one’s really there
I’m alone

Don’t bother to call
Or leave a message
I won’t answer my phone

"I Love You"

I love you
I’m in love with you
I think about you all the time
Every second
Every minute
Every hour of my day
Your face is an image
In every single one of my dreams
Your smell lingers in my nostrils
And ignites a passion
So powerful that it can’t be contained
Yet contained it must remain
I become a different person
When I think about you
I act like I don’t care
Whenever you’re around
But I do

I love you more than life itself
I love you more than the legacy of self

I – Love – You
But I wasn’t sure at first
I fought the idea
But then I came around
You’re not the right person for me
Or so I say
But love doesn’t discriminate
In any sort of way
I prayed that this feeling would leave
But it stayed and remained apart of me
I can’t shake it
It won’t let me be
Now I accept it
I just can’t let you see

"The Coolest Kid In The World"

Yea, Yea, Yea
You’re the coolest kid in the world
And you just so happen to be my friend

Blah, Blah, Blah
Comes out my mouth
But I hope you’ll be there ‘til the end

You’ve seen the highs
You’ve seen the lows
And oh so low you know I can go

I talk to you
You help me get through
How much it means I could never show

I take life in stride
You help it pass by
You’re one of the reasons I continue to try

You make me smile
You make me laugh
Our friendship is one thing I’d never deny

You get mad at me
But I understand
Which makes me willing to fix what I broke

The comments I make
The many mistakes
Just are some things I wish I could cloak

To piss you off
Sometimes is fun
Until I stop to think it over

I love you the same
In an altered state
It’s just like as if you were sober

Well here’s the end
To a poem
Dedicated to the coolest kid in the world

Now my next project
I have to take on
Is figuring out how to get you a girl

"I'm Sorry"

I’m sorry
If I came close to breaking your heart
I’m sorry
If you don’t want to forgive me
I care
More than I am willing to admit to
I care
But I think you’re the only one

"Angel"

Do angels really come from heaven?
My angel came from this world
A world that is full of pain and sorrow
A world that has an open door to any and everything.
I don’t know how to thank this being.
I’m not even sure if he really exists
But the only way for me to survive
Is to pretend it doesn’t matter.

Where in this world did my angel go?
Now I’m feeling alone, shut out
Angel come back and save me!
Angel come back and be my friend.
I’m sorry I pushed you away.
I’m sorry I’m shutting you out
I never meant to change
Even though you let me down.

Why were you the one to save me?
There is nothing special about you
There is only what you gave
Which could have been given by anyone.
Once again I made myself the fool.
I chose to believe in what never was –
You – were a part of my heart until
I discovered my angel didn’t exist.

"Fool"

Only a fool would try to help save a lost cause
Only a fool would try to empathize
Never say those words I did once believe
Don’t be the fool to try and save me
Let me just die my slow painful death
Let it all end right now

"Rejection"

Rejection is the way
In which I deal
With my pain

Rejection is the way
In which I choose
To love

I can not –
And will not –
Accept what I feel

Accepting means
That I’m
Accepting Us

"Word"

Why are you so nice?
Little Japanese boy
I don’t deserve your kindness
Nor can I repay

You try to build me up
I just tear myself down
I think we go through this
Each and every day

Why are you my friend?
Little Jewish Saint
The fact that you care
I can not comprehend

It’s funny how I thought
We would never be friends
But…here we are
From now until the end

"My Letter To You (reworked)"

I might as well be blunt
I might as well be honest
My heart is confused
And inflicted with shame

I’m tainted by bloodshed
Marked by my weakness
Desire’s uneven
And never the same

I know you don’t know
I know you don’t mean it
But love is a trickster
With the perfect disguise

I’m eating my dreams
Digesting my lies
And drinking the tears
That fall from the sky

I tear down the wall
I just finished building
Only to find
You standing there

You reach out your hand
To build up my trust
You made me a promise
To always be here

I just can’t accept
The way that I feel
The pain I once felt
I can not relive

So I try to replace
What I found in you
But nothing compares
To the joy you give

But there are those times
When I get left out
I put in the effort
And feel like the clown

There are those days
That I fake a smile
Only so you
Don’t know that I’m down

Soon you’ll be gone
To start a new life
I can’t help to think
What the future will bring

We’ll say our good-byes
And recite our lines
Hoping that we
Don’t end with this spring

"Happy Days"

Happy days are absent days and absent is my mind
The right, I say, is the right way, the way to get behind
A twisted soul burned by coal and burned beneath the ash
The sickle gloom, a gloom so blue, found in a heap of trash

"The Ultimate Revenge"

Petty, petty, petty
Is how it seems
To seek revenge
On a friend of mine
Someone who has wronged me
In a way
That if I’m caught
I’d be doing time
Premeditated over something small
Something small
He didn’t notice at all
So I tempt him with a drink
A wonderful drink
What I have planned he wouldn’t begin to think

Silly, silly you
To believe that I
Would just let you get away
With insulting my name
So enjoy your last moments
Before I take your life
Buried alive
Shackled in chains
I want you to know that it was me
Me, whom you’ve wronged
And who will set you free
I want to hear you scream
As loud as you can scream
I no longer want you as a part of my team

"Love Mysterious"

Love is a mystery
Within itself
Not willing to be mastered
Or artificially designed

Many definitions
For the same measly word
And yet this emotion
Is still undefined

How does one know
If he’s fallen in love
Is it reaction
Or just a good feeling

How does one know
He’s capable of love
Should it be secret
Or just plain revealing

"Foolish Silhouette (A Poem To The Master Poet)"

Foolish fool
Trying to love
Love is not your friend
Nor willing to listen

Stupid bumb
On the street
Less of a man
But more than a woman

A Silhouette
Never lies
Within itself
It is disguised

So take a seat
Beneath the ice
Of broken
And shattered dreams

You put your faith
In a man
Imperfect
You objectify

You write your songs
Behind closed doors
Never intend
To reveal the light

So sound the bells
Let it be known
Celebrate
The death of Me

A foolish love
Has been born
From the essence
Of You and me

"Connection"

Open yourself to me
Let me merge with your soul
Take me in through your eyes
My self will make you whole
Write a letter to me
I will write you a song
If you read my heart
Transition won’t be long…

"No Answer"

Unlock the door and let me in
I’m still standing outside
I’ve returned the key to the safe
Now I can’t read your mind
I peak inside and see the light
But the window is smeared with fog
I go around to the back
But it is guarded by your dog

Today I sit on the step
Waiting in the rain
I watch the man across the street
Dig himself a grave
I knock again, three more times
Still there is no answer
I walk away, no looking back
Graceful as a dancer

"Untitled"

I don’t understand
What’s inside your heart.
Sir could you explain?
For I am a child.
Trapped within
Your conception
Trapped within
My deception
But it’s all
For a good reason.?!

You want me to speak
My heart can not speak
For my thoughts
Are judgements upon thee.

Make a reaction
That’s what I live for
There are so many aspects
I won’t let you see.

I don’t really want
What’s inside your heart.
Sir should I explain
Because I’m a child?
Lost inside
My Confusion
Lost inside
Your delusion
But it’s all
Apart of life.?!

We call each other
A name so proper
That neither fits
What we have designed.

Another day
Of work ahead
No contracts to file
Just promises unsigned.

Maybe I should have told you what I really feel
But Sir I am a child without a sound mind.

"Riddles (A Rough Draft To A Finished Work)"

Lullabies are sweet
But reality is sweeter
Temporary is the song
As is this poet's home
I stare into the ocean
And see what is true
But what's conceived to be true
Is a false shade of blue
I'm captured by hay
With an underlay of dirt
Above two spaced out brown lines of fur
And a distant scent of myrh
Enticing and believable
Huh...yeah u were...

I'm trapped in a place
Where there is nothing but green
You walked away so fast without a shoulder to lean-
On is the light and compassion is my heart
I should have never read this story to start
I regret my decision
Because you leave me alone
Alone in a home
I do not call my own
I put up a front
Like yeah we're ok
But who is left?
Me!
At the end of the day

I don't know how to phrase
These next couple of words
But my opinion of you has diminished
Please wait I'm not finished
A little TLC is all that needed to be
So if u see a change
Don’t look at me
My heart is very fragile and was already broken
The only way to get away
Is my feet and a token
I am angry at u and i want u to know
But when its my turn to speak my Herhsey's wont go
So many times u take advantage of we
But race is not a thought its a part of me

If the one this is for
Is reading this now
I’m making it known
I’m no longer the clown

"Isolated Tears"

Emotionally unbalanced
Slipping and falling
Nothing’s the same
As it was before

I’m confused, isolated
From the world around
Entangled in distress
Though not really sure

My tears leave a path
Of where my heart has been
Now my heart is cold
From a place so warm

Perplexed by reality
Comforted by fables
Enticed by enigmas
Without a stable form

"Sad Goobye"

Get out of my head!
Get out of my heart!
Stay clear of my dreams!
Don’t come here no more!
I want you gone
No trace that you’ve been
Let’s say goodbye
And pray for an end

Please go away
Don’t make this hard
Don’t say any words
Just leave –
Take back your love!
Take back your time!
There will be you
And here will be me

This might seem harsh
It’s for the best
Don’t worry ‘bout me!
I will be fine
Better if you go
Without a fight
It was fun
While it lasted
But a waste of my time.

"A Poem Without A Point"

So you want to know how I feel
Lost, broken, confused, twisted
I am a poem without a point
Neither here nor there
I am a token of disorder
Not worth my net value
The lowest of the low
From the depths of pathetic
Nothing to be proud of
Nothing to look forward to
God won’t even buy my worthless mortal soul
The devil won’t even let me knock on his door
I’m stuck in between heaven and hell
But this is one secret I’ve decided to tell

"Beneath The Surface There is Truth"

Beat, beat
Sounds my heart
Watching, listening, exhausted from my day
Step, step
Sounds the feet
The feet of the honest and true to themselves
“Huuuuuh”
Sounds the breath
Of the relieved and fulfilled
“Oh my …”
Some say in their heads
In disbelief of what they have revealed
I didn’t know
Some say in their hearts
Conforming to the reality which stands before them
“I can’t”
Some say in the back of their heads
Refusing to accept and reveal themselves
A short time but a long time comin’
When the truth would be summoned
To be judged
By a jury of our peers
A short time but a long time comin’
Finding the courage to believe in who we are
A short time but a long time comin’
Secrets concealed but now your heart broken
Lies revealed but words unspoken

I (We) come not to judge
But to understand
The difference in life
And the real beauty consoled
By the rejection and “what’s RIGHT”
Finally today
We’ve all come to say take me as I am
Or leave it in God’s hands
Cause when it’s all said and done
Right and wrong can never be one
But today is the start
Of knowing what’s in my(our) heart